Some of Veronika Reshetilina’s fondest childhood memories, having grown up in Ukraine, are linked to Estonia, where she used to visit her grandparents in Lasnamäe every summer. In January 2022, she visited Estonia again to celebrate the arrival of the new year and her 19th birthday. When the celebrations were over, she had no idea that life would bring her back here just a few months later – this time, to seek refuge from the war that had broken out in her homeland.
Today, four years later, 23-year-old Veronika speaks Estonian with almost no accent, is studying to become a social media specialist at the Tallinn College of Economics and Services, supports her Estonian partner at disc golf tournaments, and enjoys her work at the Saue Youth Centre.
The dream of living in Estonia
Veronika has a long and fascinating history with Estonia. Her grandparents lived in Tallinn, and her mother was also born here and went to school here. Due to the twists and turns of life, Veronika’s parents lived in both Estonia and Germany before eventually settling in Ukraine, where Veronika and her older sister were born.
The family often visited her grandparents in Estonia during the school holidays, and so the girl developed a special bond with the country. ‘My mother lived in Ukraine for over 30 years as an adult and considered herself Ukrainian, but at the same time, she always wanted to return to Estonia, because it is, after all, her homeland. I also became fascinated with the country because she talked about it all the time and we were constantly visiting Estonia. It was all so different, and the language here seemed so special. I used to dream that when I grew up and finished school, I would come and live here.’
Although Veronika had been thinking about moving to Estonia for years, her wish came true unexpectedly at the start of 2022, under difficult circumstances. When war broke out, she had to act quickly. ‘I managed to keep a cool head. I took my documents and money, put my nieces and nephews in the car, and we set off,’ recalls Veronika, who was just 19 at the time.
What followed was a week-long journey, filled with uncertainty and fear. The hardest part was the 70-hour wait at the border, just five kilometres from the safe haven of the border crossing. ‘We were running out of food. We gave the children almost everything we had brought with us from home. Fortunately, there was a farm near the border crossing where the people had made a large pot of soup and were serving it in small bowls to everyone waiting there. That meal was probably the only thing that saved us.’
On the evening of 1 March, when Veronika finally arrived in Estonia, a new chapter began for her.
‘Where are your clothes hangers?’
Veronika did not just sit there idly. Her first job was at an H&M clothing store, where she was hired as a customer service assistant. Se immediately set about learning Estonian and practised it at every opportunity, not afraid to make mistakes.
There is one incident that still stands out clearly in Veronika’s memory. ‘An elderly lady came up to me and asked where the clothes hangers – riidepuud – were. But I heard her say ‘clothes shop’ – riidepood. I stood there in the middle of the big shop, gestured around me, and explained that it was right here! I think we miscommunicated for about five minutes, until the lady finally gave up and walked away. It was only later, when I asked the manager, that I found out that she meant another word,’ Veronika chuckles.
Despite the amusing incident, the young woman believes that you learn best by being bold and taking action. ‘I knew I was making mistakes, but I was not afraid of getting it wrong. I started talking straight away; I did not wait for someone to come and help.’
Mastering the language by speaking to yourself
Veronika believes that her musical background has helped her to learn Estonian quickly. Before coming to Estonia, she studied classical singing at a music college in her home country. Although her initial dream of continuing her studies at the Estonian Academy of Music and Theatre was cut short by the war, her ear for music helped her to grasp the pronunciation of the Estonian language.
To learn Estonian, she attended language courses as part of the Settle in Estonia integration programme and made the most of every opportunity to practise. ‘As I walked home from language class, I went over what we had learnt that day and thought about how I could use those words or phrases in conversation,’ she explains. ‘I imagined conversations in my head, such as what I would say to my partner’s parents. It did not matter what it was exactly; I was just chatting to myself in my head. And when I was at home, whenever I was doing something, I would comment on it to myself, for example, “I am making tea, I am drinking tea.” That way, I remembered the sentences much better,’ she shares her tip.
Pop culture also helped her learn the language. Veronika started listening to Estonian music and learnt the pronunciation from the lyrics – even when she did not quite understand what the song was about. On her partner’s recommendation, she watched all the seasons of the popular TV series Kättemaksukontor, and, much to her surprise, she soon became a real fan.
A role model for young people
Veronika has now found her calling as a youth worker at the Saue Youth Centre. She holds the Estonian youth work system in high regard and appreciates the importance placed on young people here. ‘A youth centre is a place where young people can feel that they belong. I want to be a role model for them and show them that, even when things are tough, anything is possible. I sometimes sit with them and help them with their maths homework. They help me become better as well,’ she says with genuine joy.
Adapting also means getting used to local customs. Veronika laughs, saying that the biggest arguments between her and her Estonian partner are about food. ‘I am perfectly happy to eat strawberries with sour cream and sprinkle sugar on top. My partner cannot fathom how anyone can eat sour cream with sweet things, even though their favourite childhood treat was blueberries with milk and sugar,’ Veronika chuckles.
She has learnt quite a few things about Estonians from her partner. For example, how much disc golf is loved here. ‘When they first showed me how the game works and got me to have a go, I thought, “Oh my goodness, what a nightmare – is this really a proper sport?”’ the young woman laughs. I know a great deal about disc golf now.’
Even though she does not play a lot, the disc golf community has become very close to her and given her a strong sense of belonging. ‘They have welcomed me so warmly, just like a member of the family. Every Sunday when there is a game, I know I will be going along because there are so many lovely people there. We hug and chat; some of us bring pastries along, which we eat together. The men play and the women sit there chatting. Although it is not a sport I would want to play myself, I have really come to enjoy being part of it.’
Veronika is certain that what has helped her most in adapting has been her courage and determined action. ‘At school, I kept to myself a bit at first, because I did not know how to open up as an adult in a new environment, or whether my Estonian was good enough. I later realised there was no point in wasting time and energy on pointless worrying. I am who I am, and I speak as well as I can. The right people will stay in my life anyway,’ the young woman is certain.
Veronika’s three tips for newly arrived immigrants:
- Learn the language, even if it is just a little. ‘Learning a few phrases is not that difficult, but it means a lot to Estonians: they will welcome you much more warmly if you at least make an effort.’
- Be bold and open-minded. ‘Do not be afraid to try new things and get to know people, because the people here are actually really nice and helpful. If you are positive and open-minded, people will treat you the same way.’
- Respect the local culture. ‘You do not have to live your life exactly as the locals do, but keep an open mind about local customs and do not criticise them. Discover the culture and try to understand it.’
The Settle in Estonia Programme is a free educational programme provided by the Estonian state which is intended to help the foreigners who have arrived in Estonia to adapt and become accustomed to local life more easily. We offer courses for people who have come to live or study in Estonia and have lived here for less than 5 years. For example, war refugees to whom Estonia offers international or temporary protection, as well as people who have come to Estonia to work or do business here or relocate with their family member. The adaptation program The Settle in Estonia Programme is free for participants. We offer language training and other courses to help you cope with everyday life in Estonia. Read more and register: https://integratsioon.ee/en/kohanemine. The adaptation programme is co-funded by the European Union and the state budget.
