Dalisa Cisneros from Mexico fell in love with Estonia from the moment she first arrived here nine years ago. She says her soul is vibrating in the same rhythm as Estonian forests and song celebrations.
Who are you and how did you end up in Estonia?
My name is Dalisa Cisneros and I am from Mexico. I will be 30 years old soon and I am running an NGO called International Women’s Network in Estonia (https://iwne.ee/). We started operating two years ago and our main pillars are women empowerment, gender equality, and diversity and integration. We are supporting and raising the voices of migrant women through our activities and events, bringing people together. This speaks a little bit about myself – I am an activist and since I arrived in Estonia, I have been involved in volunteering and organising events, bringing locals to meet up with foreigners and the other way around. As I really love Estonia, it is very important for me to also share that with other foreign people who are living here.
I ended up in Estonia as I met an Estonian man when I was 18 years old. We were both exchange students. I came to visit him in 2015, two years later, and we went backpacking and on a trip around Europe. I was going to stay in Estonia for less than a month, but then I missed my flight home. No, it was not intentional – I just read the time on my ticket wrong.
As a Mexican, I have the opportunity to stay in Estonia for three months in total without needing a visa, so I had time to find another ticket home. In the meantime, there was the question of ‘Do you really need to go back home? Why don’t we try living together?’ Well, long-distance relationships are complicated and we were so in love at the time that I decided I was going to stay. We got married and I was granted a visa extension to do so.
I just told my family that I was not coming back home. My grandmother and my mom were worried about where and how I was going to live, of course. My partner had already been in Mexico for a vacation, so my family knew him but they had no idea about the country, what my lifestyle was going to be, or how I was going to be able to work. It was an impulsive decision, but it just felt right to me.
And now we have a beautiful daughter – our Mexican-Estonian daughter was born in Tartu this year.
What do you like about Estonia?
I always say that I did not pick Estonia, Estonia picked me. It happened that I fell in love with Estonia since the moment I arrived here.
I felt very welcomed by the people – they were very warm to me. I loved the forest adventures. Of course, even though I was in love at that moment, it was just the quality of everything. I live in Tartu. I also tried living in Tallinn for a year and a half and I loved it, but when finding out we were going to have a daughter, Tartu seemed like a better city to raise children.
I arrived in Estonia when I turned 21 years old, so I can say I became an adult in this country – I was able to figure out who I was, to shape who I wanted to be, what my area of activity should be, and what kind of lifestyle I wanted to have. That is one of the main reasons why I am so in love with the country.
Estonia has a small population so it has this very familiar feeling – like you will meet the same people over and over again. Everybody is related to someone or knows somebody who knows you. That makes it very easy to build networks, to support each other, and to bring new things to the country.
For me, the closeness to nature is very important. When I first arrived, I spent some weeks on Saaremaa and was surprised by seeing forest everywhere. This was also my therapy and introduction to the feeling of safety. At first, I wondered why people left their cars or houses unlocked – I thought, ‘You actually trust each other?’ Walking in the middle of the forest at night for me was terrifying. In Mexico, sadly, we live with the fear that something bad might happen to us, like getting kidnapped or robbed. But in Estonia, the only surprise in the forest would be a deer walking by. And little by little, this feeling of being safe became one of the main reasons why I was able to feel at home. I felt as if I could use my life energy to create something instead of worrying about keeping myself alive. Peace versus being in survival mode.
So far, I have met beautiful people who are very welcoming and caring. I also learned to give more sincere hugs in Estonia. From heart to heart. Estonians hug you when they really want to hug you. Hugs are not given as a polite gesture here. I really like the culture of respecting personal space.
I also love the sauna in Estonia! I have tried winter swimming on Saaremaa and in Tartu. We made a hole in the ice and went there after the sauna and without it as well. About being naked in a sauna… that has been a beautiful process for me. I can say I am comfortable with it, but it took me some time to get there.
The culture I have experienced here allowed me to find peace with seeing naked bodies and to love my own. In Mexico and in a lot of countries, bodies are very objectified and oversexualised, especially women’s bodies. In some places, being fully naked outside the privacy of a home is not even allowed. Here, I learned that people can be polite, careful, and respectful about other people’s bodies. You can go to the sauna and talk to someone without being scanned or scanning their body. I appreciate this a lot.
Why did you decide to learn Estonian?
I understood that if I wanted to be more involved in conversations and understand what the family of my partner was saying, I needed to learn Estonian. I went to the Settle in Estonia integration course first and met some very cool people there. One of my best friends who arrived in Estonia at the same time as me is from France and we met at the Estonian language course.
Another great benefit of learning Estonian is that you can participate in cultural events such as the Song Celebration. I joined the Tartu Students’ Choir. It was all in Estonian, of course – the rehearsals and most of the songs. I met very lovely people there. I made two other very close friends there.
Even though I always had someone who could translate something, it was necessary to learn Estonian to be able to experience culture on a deeper level and be welcomed into it. I felt my soul vibrating when singing next to thousands of people at the Song Celebration – interacting with the audience and feeling everyone in such high spirits was a very powerful experience. I cried for half of the concert so I was not even able to sing. I was so excited. Singing became a very important part of my cultural process here and it resonated with my essence. Estonia and I are a very good match and that is why I feel very comfortable here.
I understand that it is not the same for everyone and that the process of integration of each person is very different. I could communicate in English with people around me; I was very privileged to arrive in a welcoming Estonian family and lucky to have my migration status sorted out swiftly. I also did not have to worry about paying rent for an apartment at first, so I could focus on new hobbies and getting to know my environment without financial concerns. Those elements definitely made a big difference in my experience. I am grateful to have met a lot of beautiful people around me who were supportive and caring.
Learning the language has still opened more doors for me, both on an emotional and practical level. You can get a better job and make more connections if you speak the local language. One time, an old lady sat next to me in the bus and started talking to me in Estonian about her life and about her daughter, then she looked at me and said, ‘You do not look Estonian, do you understand what I am saying?’ I was able to respond to her in Estonian and we had a lovely spontaneous conversation. Also at the hospital, when I was giving birth to my daughter, I was able to interact with the midwife and it made the process much smoother.
You can always survive here without knowing Estonian, but you cannot participate in the full extent of the culture and you might not see certain opportunities to interact and to be part of society if you do not understand the language.
What were the difficulties in language learning? Were there moments when you wanted to give up Estonian language studies? How did you overcome these difficulties?
It takes a lot of commitment to learn a new language and I guess that is something that most people are afraid of, especially if you have to work or study at the same time. It is like an extra activity that you need to invest your time and energy in.
I took courses from the Settle in Estonia programme, but I also took a course from the University of Tartu. I think it no longer exists, but it was an intensive course of, like, one semester in university from Monday to Thursday from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. It was proper training!
There were some moments when I was so mad at the Estonian language. I remember coming back home several times and thinking, ‘Oh, I hate it! I do not want to have to learn the grammar!’ I allowed myself to cry, I allowed myself to be mad, and then continued my class the next day. I can be mad about a lot of things, but I do not necessarily need to stop because of that.
Sometimes I just pour myself out and rant on Facebook about difficulties with Estonian language and then a lot of my Estonian friends and foreigners cheer me up in the comments, ‘I get you. I also had my difficulties and was mad.’ I feel a lot of support from my community in the process.
If I do not practise the language, I feel like a toddler speaking it again. You always need to keep on practising and then putting yourself in the spotlight just to have conversations with people. The mother of my partner does not speak much English. Now that we have a daughter, we communicate more often, so I need to keep up and practise more and more Estonian.
What are your recommendations for other newcomers arriving in Estonia?
First of all, I recommend seeing the Estonian environment with curious eyes.
Another recommendation is to take initiative because most of the opportunities do not just come on their own. We need to actively allow those opportunities to come to us. For example, if we are talking about making friends, then it means taking the initiative to put yourself into places where the kind of people that you want near you are going to be. No matter if it is singing, dancing, poetry or whatever it is that speaks to you.
Also, I recommend asking for support whenever it is needed. There are several groups on Facebook for expats, and other groups based on nationality, gender, or specific needs. These groups can help you navigate cultural differences, get guidance, and build your network. If you voice your needs or say, for example, ‘I feel lonely’, then somebody will jump in and probably propose to meet up for a coffee.
I recommend language learning, of course, as it does create many more opportunities for making friends. But it is also very helpful in certain situations such as when facing discrimination. Learning the language could allow you to defend yourself and speak up. People in Estonia respect people who speak Estonian, that is a fact.
The Settle in Estonia Programme is a free educational programme provided by the Estonian state which is intended to help the foreigners who have arrived in Estonia to adapt and become accustomed to local life more easily. We offer courses for people who have come to live or study in Estonia and have lived here for less than 5 years. For example, war refugees to whom Estonia offers international or temporary protection, as well as people who have come to Estonia to work or do business here or relocate with their family member. The adaptation program The Settle in Estonia Programme is free for participants. We offer language training and other courses to help you cope with everyday life in Estonia. Read more and register: https://integratsioon.ee/en/kohanemine. The adaptation programme is co-funded by the European
